Trauma tolerance is a myth

It scares me to watch my children tubing behind a speed boat. My anxiety soars. I’m terrified, if they fall into the water, they will get hit by another boat. And my fears are not calmed the more I watch.

​Why?

Because there is no such thing as trauma tolerance. Being able to “bare” anxiety or fear or abuse or neglect doesn’t mean we become “used” to it.

Our central nervous system amps up EVERY SINGLE TIME a trigger brings us back to the first time we felt that way – our original trauma. We are off, not ourselves, dysregulated.

We never get “used” to getting hit, hearing hurtful words, being fired.

But, our bodies are wonderful things. They develop strategies to cope with the dysregulation and adapt to the situation to keep us safe. In my case, strategies include the following:

• Need for control (I tell the boat driver the best way to drive!)
• Isolation (I hide behind a towel so I can’t see my kids or go to a different part of the boat.)
• Disassociation (I flood my mind with alternative thoughts – getting a tan, sipping water – to get out of the moment.)

It may APPEAR we become “used” to the situation and can tolerate the dysregulation. When in reality, we’ve simply developed ways to cope – for better or worse.

The only way to truly deal with the trauma is to heal it. ​