5 steps to secure attachment

I watched a documentary recently about the life of an international superstar who would cut out every magazine article or interview or photo shoot of himself and send it to his dad. Why?

"I wanted to earn his approval," the superstar admitted.

And isn't that like all of us? We crave the need to be seen, heard and valued, especially as children. And if that did not happen in our young years, we can grow up with an insecure attachment. This means we've developed strategies to get emotional needs met that helped as a child but aren't so helpful as an adult. In fact, many of our relationship issues -- poor communication, fear of abandonment, need to control the other person -- can be traced to our attachment issues as a child.

But it's never too late to gain secure attachment. How?

1. Secure attachment will come from a person similar to our caregiver as a child, like a spouse or elderly mentor. Determine which of YOUR behaviors toward that person keeps you from creating a secure relationship.

2: What do you believe about your relationship? Where is the evidence? If there is no evidence, abandon that belief which is based on past experience and not relevant today.

3: Learn to express and tolerate your emotions in a healthy way to increase attachment security.

4: Communicate and listen empathetically to others to build understanding, respect and feel connected.

5. Activate emotional self-care practices like journaling or meditation.

Insecure attachment took time. Likewise, secure attachment needs dedicated and intentional time to establish.