How to feel "important" again

"Perfect children" are often the loneliest. No one has to dote on them or pay much attention. They are self-sufficient and responsible. Which leads them to feeling unimportant and unloved.

Can you relate?

It’s easy to listen to this voice as an adult – when a co-worker interrupts us or a friend doesn’t text us back or our spouse doesn’t pick up after himself. It coerces our coping strategies to come out in more “mature” ways:

• We relate every story to ourselves.
• We brag about our recent accomplishments.
• We talk excessively about our expertise in a subject.
• We gossip about others’ shortcomings.

Because we believe the message is a universal truth.

But it isn’t.

As children, we learned who we were by the reactions and care of our parents. How they viewed us became how we viewed ourselves. However, as adults, we get to take the POWER back. Now, WE get to decide.

So, where do we start?

When we hear “you are unimportant” through the actions of others, we can to do 4 things:

1. Stop the thought. Don’t let your mind add words to the sentence.
2. Question the thought. What made you believe this? Was this message true in your past? Is this message true today? Do people involved believe this is true today?
3. Vocalize the thought. We can express our feelings, boundaries and requests. Being heard by another person can quiet the false belief.​
4. Reframe the thought. We can affirm our importance. “I matter. I deserve good things. I am worthy of love.”

This is a daily practice to undo the voice, undo the lie and come into the truth about our worth.